Change is not the book!
How different we seek and how indifferent we end up being. I am in the nation of diversity Canada, for more than a year now. I see all kinds of people here. Which is amazing as no one looks like they are trying to fit in by changing themselves. The system is such that everyone fits in. Regardless of caste, gender, race… something always found in books. Like, ‘Honesty is the best policy’. Our childhood books are either black or white. But real life is complicated. That’s why when we grow up those books make to sense.
I know locals here will differ from me. I am actually sharing my idea based on my limited exposure to the people here. So, I ask myself how many new friends I made in the last year? None! Maybe I am not social enough. Or don’t know how to meet/welcome people who are different than me. Or maybe the opposite. It is not always what’s seen. There are layers of truths in a culture. Once we dig down there are different surprises waiting for us. We all pretend to help or be friendly. Most of the time the truth is we don’t know how to say no. Especially when we have pressure on us of being our ideal self.
In real life, we are not so real most of the time. Saying things without actually saying. Indirect nods and postures. These are all fine when you are from the same culture. But the problem starts when you are not. So, there is a conflict. Where there is an initial thought of being accepted the way you are and then when you go further there is a sense of indirect/untold rejection.
To be clear, I am not against being polite and gentle. I am talking about subtle racism. Where we don’t even know we are doing it. Or in a state of denial. When we look at the bigger picture, we see how it is affecting us as a community. There is hypocrisy in all of us. No one is perfect. But we are creating a hole that is stopping us from welcoming newness in life. Imagine if we could actually encourage differences of opinion regardless of how smart or unsmart it is (by judging). Stay calm and sacrifice a bit more than getting in the race of being ahead of everyone. Not suffer from a superiority complex. Observe more than judge. Sit for a while with a person different than us and listen to them with empathy. We may end up with a real powerful diverse community utilizing its full potential. In theory and in reality. Change takes time I know. But before that, we need to know where we stand or to be more precise who we are!
I know I am writing this and the next thing I will do is looking at a Chinese person and judge/reject immediately with a fake smile. And I will feel I have done my part with the smile. Same the super-smart white people do look at me. It is a continuous struggle. Do we ask ourselves about these things? Do we push ourselves to get rid of this? I don’t know how we can solve a problem when we are in denial of it. We are putting huge pressure on us about being perfect. Like we cannot be wrong. Like closing, eyes will make sure there’s no problem at all. And that’s the root of all forms of racism. Not questioning us! It is a continuous battle. And it starts with understanding where we stand and where we want to go. If we keep working on our behavioral improvement along with the mindset we carry, maybe someday we will reach there. It is a million-year problem.
We have to understand that this is happening for centuries. The sense of I am superior to you, you will only fit in if you are like me… has been there always. In all cultures but in different forms. I can say this now as I came from a developing country. I see the basics are the same. It’s just the packaging that’s different.
Maybe it is human instinct. We don’t feel comfortable with differences. Even though we seek for it. For example, a new person in the friend circle/office space is always being judged or cornered in the early days. Or the one who is not regular in the group. The core of all backbiting, judging, and bitching…
We all know change will take time. But the first step of having a change is to take that step! Till then, though we are seeking a difference in life, we are ending up with the same mindset! The mindset we all hate but in denial of having it inside us. That’s kind of sad. Like the book that says be honest, be truthful.
